Boy on 2005-09-02
I picnicked today with my friends, by the Thames. It was lovely. It was just Lauren, Emma and Becky. I haven't seen Becky in ages, so I was a little surprised to see her, because I didn't know she was coming. She's so tall, slim and pretty now. She's so beautiful! Lucky her.
Earlier, before I left, my sister was asking our mum about us before we were born. Apparently, she never wanted boys ("I'd hate to have a boy"). She told us a story of when I was born. She didn't know if I was a girl or a boy yet, but hoping for a girl. When it came to having me, they laid a cot out with blue bedding. She said to us, that she thought 'oh no! A boy!':
-- At this point I got a little worked up, she hated me before I was even born? --
So, in the end, the hospital made a mistake and my mum was happy as she had given birth to a girl.
Many thoughts kept on laying on my mind as we were at the picnic. What if I was a boy? I told my friends this story and they let me talk for a very long time. Emma and Lauren, if you didn't know- they are my neighbours, and I have lived in house before they came to the road, when we were all very young. So many things came to mind, with Emma and Lauren both being older than me, they were already girls. And they lived in a street with a boy who was going to be called Rosie.
So, would they have been friends with me? What would have they thought of me? Would I be friends with that boy who kills me every time we get into a fight? (coincidentally- I passed him today at the bus stop- would I have been waiting there with him as we went into Kton? Would I play in his band?) Would Emma and Lauren talk about me at their sleepovers? Would Emma or Lauren find me attractive...?
By this point Lauren started to throw everything at me, telling me that I wasn't making any sense.
But this has really got to me, I have no idea why and it'll probably go by tomorrow, but still...
Would I have found DiaryLand?
Although, this is another of my pathetic entries and I regret everything my fingers are typing.
This morning I bought a Ramones band t-shirt. Also, I got pins and needles in my hand. That has never happened to me before. My sister told me that it wasn't a good sign.